Category: Musings

Dear Caregiver

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Dear Caregiver,

I’m thinking of you this morning. Maybe you’re repeating yourself for the thirteenth time, heading out to a doctor’s appointment, answering yet another urgent phone call, preparing a meal, cleaning up, or catching a few rare moments of quiet. You might be a daughter, a son, a mother, a father, a wife, a husband, a nurse, a hospice worker, or an aid. Maybe you’re caring for someone in your own family, or perhaps you never knew this person existed until you were given their name. It’s possible you’re loving what you do. On the other hand, maybe you’re feeling like any joy has been zapped from your to-do’s.

However your story reads at this moment, I want to tell you something: Thank you. Thank you for caring enough to go the extra mile, to do the dirty work when necessary, to simply be there. I’ve seen some of you in action, and I know you have a big job. I know that to do it well takes patience, selflessness and self-control. I also know what a blessing it is to families like mine to have another set of capable hands ready to help and another kind heart to care. 

You live in a world that tempts everyone to value production over people, but your work stands in contrast to that. Those you serve may not be able to produce much of monetary value, but you value them anyway. Thus, you invest every day in something that lasts for eternity – living souls. For all of this and so much more, I’m grateful for you. Whether you feel like you deserve it or not, thank you.

I’m also praying for you this morning. From my experience, I’ve seen that your days can be filled with sad pictures. I’m praying that God will give you sunny blessings in the midst of grey skies. Your work may be wearing on your heart and your health. I’m praying that God will guard your heart, strengthen your hands, and give you refreshing sleep. And for those nights when you’re awakened yet again, I’m praying that His joy will be your strength to get you through another day. On the days when you feel like you have a thankless, unnoticed job, I’m praying that you’ll remember that not everyone whom Jesus helped thanked Him either and that – no matter where you are – He sees what you’re doing right now. If your cup is empty, I’m praying that God will make it overflow. When you’re the one who needs comfort but you have to give it instead, I’m praying that you’ll remember that the God of all comfort values your tears (Ps. 56:8) and is right there with you. I’m praying that when you need it most, He will give you the tender words you need, whether for yourself or someone else.

And maybe it will help a little to know that today someone is thinking of, thankful for and praying for you.

Hugs&Blessings,

Kristen

P.S. Yes, I really did pray for you this morning!

I have been blessed to share some thoughts on A Little Bit Older, a website dedicated to encouraging Christ-like love for and life with the elderly. About a year ago, I posted this letter to caregivers. It touched enough hearts that I thought there might be more caregivers who could use the same encouragement today.

An Open Book

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Instead of calling him by his first name, they started calling him Dr. Hammer. They could talk to him about his life. The care they gave grew more attentive. They knew him as a person not just a patient. All because they knew his story.

When my sister and I compiled Grandpa’s life into a book with a self-publishing program and gave it to him for Christmas several years ago, we never envisioned it going where it could tell tales to anyone beyond our family and descendants. An audience of that size was worth the effort. But then Grandpa moved into a nursing home. 

Moving Grandpa to a nursing home was hard. Life doesn’t always bring about the ideal situations we would choose for ourselves, and this was one of those times. Mercifully, God still carries out His good work even in the challenging imperfections of this earth.

After a while of being at the nursing home, Grandpa asked for “his book”, the one we had crafted. We took a copy and left it on his shelf. Little by little, a marvelous thing happened.

One by one, we began hearing reports that the aides and nurses were reading Grandpa’s book. They would remark on “what a life” he had had. That’s when we started noticing the little changes like calling him Dr. Hammer once they realized that he had his Ph.D. in economics and had taught that subject at a university. They learned about his childhood and how he met Grandma in the Philippines and how their first date was a missionary meeting. Perhaps knowing about his Norwegian heritage and how he had served in the US Air Force gave them a little more understanding of his deep stubborn streak as well. In this way, Grandpa’s full life became an open book. We couldn’t sit and tell each nurse and aide these things, they didn’t always feel comfortable asking, and Grandpa couldn’t always put together the thoughts he wanted to share. But they were delighted to pick up the book when Grandpa told them to or when they were just sitting with him. It was such a blessing to us to see other people getting to know the Grandpa we had come to cherish. 

Beyond that, Grandpa’s book gave us an opportunity to introduce Someone even more precious: Jesus Christ. Sure, they heard us sing and saw us read the Bible and pray, but through this little book they saw how Christ is written into our lives. No, we didn’t get to see anyone become a Christian because of it, but maybe what they read planted or watered seeds. We have prayed for that. 

So, if you have a loved one who is a little bit older, I would encourage you to think creatively about how to share who that person is with family, friends and caregivers. Who knows what kind of harvest you might reap?

The Touch of Words

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Words. Colors on paper in purposeful patterns. Sounds swirling in the air. While we read them, we hear them, and we understand them, many of us may not think about how we can feel them.

Yet I came to know words as something I could get my hands on – literally. When I was about six years old, I started lessons in Braille, the system of raised dots by which the blind and visually impaired read. You could find me pouring over my stacks of flashcards with Braille dots on one side and words written in English with huge purple-marker letters on the other. Words like “knowledge” were no longer abstract concepts connected to intangible letters. They were a complex code, yes, but they were also something I could feel pressing into my fingertips, sparking my memory. It was then that I think I really came to love letters and words and the wonder of communication.

While I grasped basic Braille quickly, it took me longer to realize that words really are tangible in a whole other sense as well. Have you ever heard the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”? Does anyone actually believe that? I doubt it because words can hurt. They can even break hearts.

On the other hand, they can also bring healing.

So much of this depends on the feel of the words – how they touch the receiver of them. One word can carry so many different meanings based off of the tone, the intonation, the accent, the volume and, of course, the words surrounding it.

Even more, its touch depends on how it is felt by the recipient. One person writes something that looks bland on paper, but it feels like a sword-slice to the reader. In another case, simple syllables so sweeten the listener’s soul that their life is forever changed for the better.

Some people are very tender. Like un-calloused fingertips running over Braille, their spirits pick up subtle hints in a spoken or written word. Others may be a little tougher and so miss the nuances.

I think neither is truly problematic until they start expecting others to feel the same way as they do about words. It takes a great deal of effort at times to think not only about what the words you’re writing or speaking say but also how they feel. 

May the touch of our words not give bruises like sticks and stones. May the touch of our words build up and give grace.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ~Ephesians 4:29, ESV

For Someone Else

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Perfect Timing

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As we say “adios” to 2015, I’ve been thinking about timing. Did you get to do everything you wanted to do this year? Did things happen according to your schedule? If your year went anything like mine, not much happened in your timeframe. You still might be waiting for an event or wishing some things hadn’t gone by so fast. Perhaps you are actually scurrying to keep up with a whirlwind of new direction. On the other hand, the timing of other things might have been as sweet as the best Christmas surprise.

As much as we try, there are simply many things about our lives that we cannot control. The passage of time and the timing of so much are not subject to our wishes. However, time is subject to the King of Kings.

Life happens in God’s timing. And I think His timing is mysterious.

That’s how it was with the first Christmas. God’s people waited for generations – for thousands of years – for the prophecies to be fulfilled about the expected Savior. When it happened, all the pieces came together in a flurry. Now as God’s people look back to that day, generations are again waiting for Jesus – in a new way but with the same level of unknowns.

Why did the Lord choose that time in history to unfold such a pivotal scene in His story? Why not sooner or later? What was it like for the generations waiting? Was it anything like us waiting for God to give us the answers, direction or things that we’d like?

If you are in the middle of being at the mercy of God’s timing or if you’ve been there done that a time or two, you can relate to Christy and Todd in Forever with You the first installment in the series “Christy & Todd: The Married Years” by Robin Jones Gunn.

Like many young couples, especially those in ministry, these two are surfing their life-wave when the ocean gets messy. As breaker after breaker rolls over them, they can’t help wondering what in the world God is doing as they wait, wait, wait for Him to bring some solutions to their very-present problems.

Yeah, I’ve been there, too. The waiting is not so fun.

Happily for Christy and Todd (and any readers), they figure out how to keep trusting God amidst their stormy seas. Then they get to watch God bring all the elements together at just the right time…like He did on the first Christmas. As in real life, not all of their problems get tied up with a bow – besides it is the first book in a series – but the ending is sufficiently wrapped up with these words from Todd:

“To the King and His kingdom! We praise you, Father, for Your mysterious ways and Your perfect timing.” (pg. 265)

Yes, someday the mystery will be gone, and we’ll be able to see God’s timing as perfect.

May we be able to face 2016 with the same spirit even with the waiting, “whirlwind-ing”, and wondering. And if you’re looking for a little encouragement along the way, you might want to pick up a copy of Forever with You.

A Story for Christmas: The Candle in the Window

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 Pour yourself a glass of eggnog (or a cup of hot cocoa) and imagine yourself in the Star City Hotel on a snowy Christmas Eve in Kansas. Then listen with me to a story called “The Candle in the Window”[1].

This story takes place in the Smoky – there’s no “e”, honest! – Hill area of Kansas in 1917. (You’ll remember that the world was engulfed in WWI then.) There you will meet characters like a mailman named Tod Witherspoon, a boy named Tully Gabel and a one-room school teacher named Ruth Ravenstow.  

Tod Witherspoon is what we might all wish for in a mailman – helpful, conscientious, and personable. As he says, “Well, there never was a postal regulation against bein’ human ever reached as far as my route.”[2] 

Tully Gabel is inquisitive and intuitive. His nickname “P-like” comes from “play like”, his version of pretending.

And Miss Ruth Ravenstow? Mysterious might be the right word. Not in a bad way exactly. In some ways, she’s normal. Her students love her and learn from her. The enigma of Miss Ravenstow, you see, is that she keeps to herself and never ever smiles. Beyond that, Tod Witherspoon doesn’t get to deliver a single, real letter to her.

When Tod tries to reach out to Miss Ravenstow and shares with her both his favorite childhood Christmas memory of putting a candle in the window on Christmas Eve and a candle for her own window, her response is telling: 

“What will it mean to the world the twenty-fifth of December 1917 The world was never so full of hate before. And who would see my candle if I happened to light one?” [3]

Have you ever felt like Miss Ravenstow or known someone like her? Sometimes the dark scenes of life overwhelm us so much that we may feel that any good we try to do – or even our very selves – go unnoticed.

That is when we need someone like Tod to shed a little truth into our gloomy hearts.

“Well, you can call me an old-style codger, Miss Ravenstow, but may I say that there’s One who always sees. And in a world full of hate, He came to love. He loved us so much He came as a babe and then He gave up His life for us…That’s the love I remember whenever I see a candle in the window.” [4]

Ah, yes, we are never unseen by this God of love. Depending on where you are in life, that may be the most comforting truth in the whole wide world. 

If you continue with the story, you’ll find that Miss Ravenstow does put her candle in the window and that more than the One Someone see it. But how does it all play out and why does Miss Ravenstow never smile? Now what do you think I’m going to say? That’s right…You might just have to listen to the story yourself.  No worries, you’re guaranteed a happy ending; it is a Christmas story after all!

I think the candle in the window represents love and hope. And that’s what I’m wishing and praying for you this Christmas season and New Year – love and hope! Not because life is so good – it isn’t always, is it? – but because God is good. Not because we have everything we want – we don’t always, do we? – but because God gave us His love and grace wrapped up in Baby Jesus. Not because things work out how we want – they don’t always, do they? – but because Jesus is reigning over all and yet knows and shares in the smallest details of our lives. Not because life is without tears – how can it be? – but because as we celebrate Jesus’ first coming to earth, we can also look ahead to when He will wipe away the tears from our eyes.

May the hope of Christmas and the love of Jesus glow in your hearts and reach out to those around you like a candle in the window.

1 Note: The book The Candle in the Window by Margaret Hill McCarter has been adapted into a radio theatre production of the same title by John Fornof. I have enjoyed both versions and have taken quotes from both. 

2 Margaret Hill McCarter, The Candle in the Window (Lamplighter Publishing, 2013), pg. 21.

3 Ibid., pg. 44

4 John Fornof, “The Candle in the Window” (Lamplighter Radio Theatre, 2013)

When Cousin Agatha Comes Calling: Tips for Dealing with Difficult Relatives over the Holidays

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When Cousin Agatha practically invites herself to the O’Dell family’s Thanksgiving, most of them welcome her. What could possibly be bad about letting a solitary old woman into your home, right?

The holidays are known for surprises. In the O’Dells case, the surprise of Cousin Agatha isn’t so sweet. 

By the end of Thanksgiving dinner, Mabel O’Dell and her family are worn out by Cousin Agatha’s demanding ways. Then she announces that she thinks she’ll stay until Christmas!

As Mabel confides in her friend Sarah Jane, she’s pretty sure that if Cousin Agatha stays, she herself will “just die,” [1] rather than live that long with this woman who wants to see everyone else working but won’t lift a finger herself.

Have you ever been in Mabel’s shoes? For all the wonderful wonders of the Christmas season, it is also sometimes a wonder that many of us have to face our most challenging relatives during this season that is heralded as a time of joy and peace.

How do you handle them without losing your mind? 

I think the story of “Cousin Agatha” by Arleta Richardson offers some helpful tips.

  1. Take one day at a time. For Mabel O’Dell, looking ahead to a whole month of Cousin Agatha is unbearable. Her mother offers some sound advice. “The Lord only sends us one day at a time…Don’t worry about more than that. When the other days arrive, you’ll probably find out you worried about all the wrong things.” She has a good point, right? If you don’t think you can stand a week with Uncle Arnold, just make it through day by day. Something else I’ve learned is that the middle of any stretch of time is almost always the hardest, whether it’s five days or a month. Once you make it through the middle, you can usually make it to the end.
  2. Don’t feel compelled to cater to their every whim or want. When Cousin Agatha complains about poor old Pep the dog coming into the house to escape the winter chill, Ma doesn’t flap her apron and make him trot out the door. She calmly explains the situation and lets Cousin Agatha grumble to herself. The tricky part is to continue both keeping your cool and standing your ground. It’s good to remember that one of the most loving two-letter words you can say to someone might very well be “no” if it’s said in a loving way.
  3. Speaking of love, why not love your unpleasant relations “to death”? While Mabel’s friend Sarah Jane suggests that she herself might consider giving Cousin Agatha a little encouragement to leave, Mabel remembers her dad’s view that “Christian love is the best solution.” Sarah Jane’s response? “All right, then…Love her to death.” Okay, so that may sound a little paradoxical, but I think it illuminates an interesting fact: Sometimes we can love people to the point that their crabby, Scrooge-ish ways just lay down and die. Of course, that’s a lot easier said than done.
  4. One thing that might help is to try to understand where they’re coming from. Of course, some people are just creepy, but othen times there are reasons beneath the ice. Maybe that grandparent who acts like an unchanged Grinch isn’t a Christian? Well, don’t expect him to act like one! What if your mother-in-law had a terrible childhood? Acknowledging in your own head how hard that could be might give you an extra ounce of compassion. Is your brother super-stressed over his job (or lack thereof)? imagine if you were in his shoes. In Mabel’s case, she thankfully gets a little help from a snowstorm.

When Cousin Agatha has to face the fact that something – the snow  that’s snowing them in – is outside of her control, it rocks her world. Mabel is then able to see a little glimmer of the inside Cousin Agatha – a lonely, insecure old woman.

Then a remarkable thing happens.

Mabel gives this female Scrooge a hug and a peck on the cheek.

What is really remarkable is Cousin Agatha’s response, “That’s the first time anyone has hugged me since I can remember. Do you really like me, Mabel?”

Ah, now we see. Cousin Agatha may not be a very nice person, but it’s not all without reason. Imagine not being able to remember the last time you got a hug! Having lived in a Latin American culture where we give hugs (and kisses on the cheek!) all the time, I think not being able to remember your last hug would be sad indeed. 

It’s a good reminder, isn’t it? Perhaps lathering on the kindness and concern – like a little kid putting frosting on a gingerbread man – could very well change the whole person into a new creation. (Frosting certainly can do astounding things to gingerbread men!)

In Cousin Agatha’s case, we aren’t given the rest of the story. That is, we don’t know whether Cousin Agatha really does change or whether she sinks back into her self-centered gloom. We don’t get to see how the O’Dells’ Christmas turns out.

That might be just as well. After all, Christians aren’t called to change people. That’s God’s business! (Insert sigh of relief, right?) We’re “just” responsible for loving them. (John 15:12)

I’m a little nervous writing this post because it seems that whenever we mere mortals try to encourage others to “do well”, God gives us opportunities to practice it ourselves. What if next week a crotchety old aunt whom I’ve never met appears on my doorstep and wants to stay until Easter? Gulp! Maybe you should pray for me extra…

Personal concerns aside, I hope these tips give you a little boost with your holiday season. And if you like the snippets of “Cousin Agatha” by Arleta Richardson, you may want to check out all the short stories collected in Treasures from Grandma’s Attic.

 

1 Unless otherwise noted, all quotes are taken from Arleta Richardson’s Treasures from Grandma (Colorado Springs: Chariot Victor Publishing, a division of Cook Communications, 1984).

Empty Chairs & Full Hearts

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If Charles Dickens and I had run into each other the other night, we might not have been on the best of terms.

I was thinking about his time-honored tale A Christmas Carol and something in it bothered me.

When Ebenezer Scrooge sees Tiny Tim’s empty chair, it’s just a dream. He can wake up and do something to keep the chair full.

It doesn’t always work that way in real life.

Thinking about yet another Christmas with yet another empty chair is hard. It’s hard even though I got to love the people who sat in those chairs and one of them is empty for an overall happy reason. I don’t claim to know what it’s like for those who have empty chairs that were suddenly made that way. 

But it still could make me not feel like getting out all the Christmas decorations. 

As I keep pondering, I’m realizing that the reality of the empty chair is one more reason to celebrate Christmas. Oh, maybe it doesn’t necessitate lots of decorations or festive flair, but it still calls for a celebration.

After all, Jesus came because of the sin-caused illness and death that rob chairs of their inhabitants. Jesus’ death-conquering life is what we celebrate at Christmas. Christmas reminds us that – for those who believe on the Lord Jesus (Acts 16:30) – someday there will be no more sickness or pain or death or tears (Revelation 21:4).

Illness won’t tear families apart. Pain won’t cause a grandparent-sized gap. Death won’t take little ones before those who love them get to hold them. Tears won’t fall – they will be wiped away by God Himself (Revelation 21:4).

And, in the meantime, Jesus is making our hearts full. 

It’s at Christmas that we may realize this the most, even if the chairs are empty. You see, each one of those empty chairs once held someone I got to love. And I got to be loved by them in sweet – and sometimes quirky – ways. Although their chairs are empty, my heart can be full. 

Even better, Jesus is in the business of filling our hearts up with His love – the only Love that lives up to all those I Corinthians 13 qualities, the only Love that lasts forever, the only Love that was made to meet all our needs and seep into all the cold corners of our hearts a little like hot cocoa seeps into us on chill winter nights.

No, the pain doesn’t all go away. That’s something for Someday. We still will (probably) need to keep Kleenex handy at times. There will still be empty chairs this Christmas. Maybe there will even be new vacancies the next.

But, by God grace, there can be full hearts. And maybe, as Jesus is making our hearts full, He will fill up those chairs, too, with new people to love. 

With all that in mind, perhaps  Charles Dickens and I – if we happened to meet – could actually wish each other a very “Merry Christmas!”

Groceries & Gratitude

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Over a year later, I still think of it often when I’m grocery shopping. Standing amidst long aisles packed with food items that I can just take off the shelves and pay for myself, I remember them.

Lines of mothers and children waiting to get their one loaf of bread with their ration cards.

This was not a pivotal scene in Liz Tolsma’s novel Snow on the Tulips. The story follows Cornelia, a young widow engulfed in the pains and predicaments of life during the Nazi occupation of the Netherlands near the end of WWII and focuses on her struggle for courage as the Resistance movement seeps into her life.

But this one scene stands among my strongest memories.  Like I said, it’s been over a year and I still think of it.

It has changed a little part of my life.

Perhaps it’s guilt, you ask? I mean, there certainly are starving people in the world today while I stand in that grocery store overflowing with such excess. True, I could feel guilty sometimes.

But mostly I just feel…grateful.

I feel grateful for the plenty and the opportunities to share it. I feel grateful for the ability to choose what to place on our table. I feel grateful that, of all the uncertainties in life right now, I don’t have to wonder if we’ll have bread for our next meal.

Yet, maybe someday, I will be wondering if there will be anything to eat for the next meal.

When I think of that, I’m grateful for the stories of the past because they remind me of two truths: 1) people can get by on very little and 2) God provides. Certainly, we prefer variety and plenty in our food, but when push comes to shove, one really can be sustained on bread and broth or like the pioneers on bacon and hardtack. Then the Lord provides. Sometimes He provides by multiplying the 3 fish and 5 loaves. Other times He supplies by taking starving souls to feast with Him in heaven.

This is one of the blessings of history. We can prepare to face struggles courageously if we take time to study the past. And so, I am also grateful for authors like Liz Tolsma who take time to tell the life-like (albeit fictionalized) stories of those who have gone before us through times of plenty and times of poverty and watched God provide in His own ways.

He is, after all, the God Who makes the tulips grow through the snow.

Simply Stepping Stones: What Thanksgiving Is Really About (It’s Not Just the Pilgrims)

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All things considered, I think you could forget the Pilgrims and still celebrate Thanksgiving this year. 

But, no, just eating a stuffed bird or watching men chase each other with a funny-shaped ball does not count as celebrating Thanksgiving. If that’s all we do, let’s be honest, please, and call it Turkey Day or even Football Day.

(Note: I don’t actually have anything against turkeys – especially when they’re on my table – or funny-shaped balls; I just would like us to call things what they are, even holidays.)

Back to Thanksgiving. 

It’s not that the Pilgrims would be all fine and jolly with you forgetting them entirely. At least William Bradford would be concerned. And with good reason. 

He understood a particular aspect of humanity: unless you’ve gone through the suffering required to reach a goal yourself, you’re apt to not value the reward nearly as much as those who did suffer. Bradford wanted the Pilgrims’ descendants to treasure what they were given, so he wrote an account of their struggles called Of Plymouth Plantation. (It’s worth cracking the cover. I believe Grandma called it “fascinating”.)

But, as far as Thanksgiving Day itself goes, I think the Pilgrims really wouldn’t mind if we happen to talk about them less. Squanto and Samoset probably wouldn’t be bothered either.

Why? Quite simply, it’s not about them.

Yes, Thanksgiving is a good time to remember our history, but it’s still not about the Pilgrims.

Then what or who is it about?

In Bradford’s own words, this group of sojourners who became known as the Pilgrims saw themselves as potentially “but stepping stones” to something – or you could say Someone – much more important than themselves. 

“Last and not least, they cherished a great hope and inward zeal of laying good foundations or at least of making some way towards it, for the propagation and advance of the gospel of the kingdom of Christ in the remote parts of the world, even though they should be but stepping stones to others in the performance of so great a work.” [1]

Then who is Thanksgiving about?

Thanksgiving is – or is supposed to be – a day when we take time to be thankful not just to each other but really to God, the God Who sustained the Pilgrims, the God Who prepared Samoset and Squanto to help them, the God Who has been directing the stories of our lives ever before and ever since the Mayflower anchored off America’s shore, the God Who makes plants grow and created that turkey on your table. 

God really is the One the Pilgrims would want you to be thinking of and thanking this Thanksgiving, even if you forget them. After all, the Pilgrims may be simply “stepping stones”. 

“Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.  

For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.”

~Psalm 100:3-5, KJV

 

1 William Bradford, Of Plymouth Plantation: Bradford’s History of the Plymouth Settlement: 1608-1650, pg. 21.